Two brothers are upset that they were not allowed to visit their dying mother in the hospital.

Their stepfather says she wouldn't have wanted them there.

Experts say it's the kind of emotionally charged situation that can be headed off by planning ahead.

Mark and Louis Farina have fond memories of their mother, Phyllis.

"She would open her home to everybody, she would cook for everybody," Louis says.

But as Phyllis got older, her family says she suffered from dementia and was unable to make some decisions on her own. Last April, she was admitted to the hospital, where she died.

As hard as it was to lose her, her sons say what happened when they tried to visit her at the hospital was even worse.

They say hospital officials turned them away.

The hospital had a note signed by both Phyllis' husband, as well as Mark and Louis Farina's stepfather, saying they were not approved to visit.

"It was horrible because I felt like I abandoned her," Mark Farina says.

Mark and Louis' stepfather told Kane In Your Corner that his wife had a difficult relationship with her sons and he believes she would not have wanted them to visit.

And it does not appear than anyone did anything improper.

Health care proxies and powers of attorney are empowered to make decisions for people when they can't make them ourselves.

Still, eldercare attorney Stacey Edwards says this situation is a good example of why she advises clients to spell out their healthcare wishes in advance, including their wishes for visitation, especially if there are messy family dynamics involved.

"Your healthcare representative is charged with making the decisions (based on) what your interest would be," Edwards says. "If you could (decide), what would you say? Allow this person to visit me, disallow this person to visit me?"

Mark and Louis say they find it hard to believe that their mother would have wanted to deny them the right to visit.

They are consulting with an attorney about possible legal options. But they also want to help get the word out to others in hopes similar situations can be avoided.

"My advice to everybody else is absolutely, get your affairs together, put it in writing, whatever you have to do," Louis Farina says.